I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
