legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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