so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize