Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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