Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
