who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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