i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
