Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
