I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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