No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
