ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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