your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
