We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm both gender and math confused
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize