I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
