I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize