you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
