I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
