This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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