He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
