I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
