i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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