overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
