if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize