i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
