ya dads aren't the best wingmen
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize