Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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