I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
