were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
