either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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