I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
