Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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