I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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