Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
