Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
