I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
