Can i not drive my cunt home
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
