You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
