Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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