like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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