your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
