I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
