sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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