I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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