Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
