1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
