he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So much rum. So many feels.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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