Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
