I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize