You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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