holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
