Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
