member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
