I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
