Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize