Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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