SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
