Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
