My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
