my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
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