No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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