i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
soo... how was my night?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
