Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
