how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
