I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
