It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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