Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
