I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
