Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
