You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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