Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
