It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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