I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
