i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
