Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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