so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
