no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
