i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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