are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
