also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
