My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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