Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
