I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
