I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
