He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
