I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
