im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
