this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
