My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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