Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize