white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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