last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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