My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
