Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
