I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
