JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
