So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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