i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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