I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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