this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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