So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
