True but thats because hes a fetus.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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