Already got asked if we're dating
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
